About finding the courage to try again after being disappointed
To start something new, take a risk or go for something we truly want, we need hope.
Hope is the fuel that drives us into action, pushing us forward even when the path feels uncomfortable. Without hope we would give up in an instant, or not even try in the first place. Hope is a powerful force, guiding us through adversity and reminding us that there is possibility ahead.
But with hope comes expectation. We naturally expect that by putting ourselves out there, we will get the results we desire. This hope gives us the courage to take action. Yet, when those expectations aren’t met, we often face disappointment.
When you finally muster the courage to apply for that dream job or ask for a promotion, and you’re met with rejection, the disappointment can leave you feeling discouraged. Or perhaps you decide to open your heart to love again after past hurt, only to be disappointed once more — and that disappointment may make you want to retreat, to protect yourself. It can stop you from trying again, leaving you to avoid the pain of failure. But by avoiding disappointment, you also lose the opportunity to do something meaningful, to take that next brave step.
Disappointment is a natural part of life, but most of us haven´t learned how to process it in a healthy way.
Some of us learned to cope with disappointment from a young age, while others may have experienced fewer setbacks. Yet, what most of us share is a lack of tools to handle disappointment effectively. Often, our caregivers didn’t know how to process disappointment themselves, which means we were never shown how to approach it with resilience and understanding.
For some, the approach was to shield us from disappointment entirely, removing obstacles in the hope that we wouldn’t face any challenges. While this may have been well-intended, it can result in growing up without the emotional resilience needed to handle setbacks. On the other hand, some caregivers took a “don’t complain, just try again” approach, encouraging us to push through the discomfort
We are often encouraged to ignore our feelings, to just keep going and go straight to trying again. Or we are told to see our disappointment as a sign that we should give up and try something else. Both of these approaches, while common, often fail to help us process the emotional impact of disappointment.
Rather than acknowledging and processing our disappointment, these approaches tend to push it aside or bypass it altogether. In the short term, it may feel like we’re avoiding the pain, but this only postpones the healing process. Instead of addressing the emotional impact, we end up suppressing it, which can lead to it resurfacing when we least expect it, leaving us feeling discouraged and less resilient the next time our expectations aren’t met.
It might feel like allowing yourself time to feel disappointed might lead to not trying again. The opposite is true, though. Only when we let ourselves grieve the outcome we didn´t get we can heal our disappointment, and find the motivation to try again.
Disappointment is a natural part of having hopes and dreams, putting ourselves out there in a vulnerable way. Often, we fear disappointment because we feel we aren’t allowed to feel it — that it’s something we should avoid at all costs.
When we learn now to navigate disappointment, we feel free to keep experimenting and trying new things. Then, when things don´t turn out as we hoped or we face setbacks, we know that we have the resilience to try again.
When you are in the process of making your dreams come true, here is how you can find the courage to try again after being disappointed.
1. Acknowledge the disappointment and allow yourself to feel it
Acknowledging that you feel hurt and allowing yourself the time you need to process your feelings is the only way to move past it at some point. Disappointment often comes with anger, frustration and sadness. Your feelings are valid, and you are allowed to be hurt. Talk about it, write about it, feel it in your body.
2. Recognize the courage it took to try
Trying something new or going for something you really want takes courage and vulnerability. Regardless of the outcome, can you give yourself credit for trying, for doing something that felt scary? You can´t always control the outcome of your actions, you can only do your part. When you can recognize that you took a courageous step, you might find that same courage to give it another go. Even if it didn´t work out this time, every step takes you closer to where you want to be.
3. Were your expectations realistic?
Once you have acknowledged the hurt, a good question to reflect on is whether you set realistic expectations for yourself. Disappointment is almost inevitable in life, but setting realistic expectations can make a significant difference in the intensity of it. When the initial pain is gone, can you see what you learned from this situation, and what could help you moving forward?
4. Get back to the desire
Why did you want to do the brave, scary thing in the first place? Why is it important to you, and what would it be like if you succeeded? Getting back in touch with the desire you feel is the fuel for taking action again. Allow yourself to dream again.
5. Take a baby step in the right direction
Putting yourself back out there, no matter how small the first step might be, is the only way to move towards what you desire. What is a tiny step in the right direction that you could take today? Remember that achieving big dreams is often the results of lots of baby steps.
If you are in the process of making your dreams come true, but your disappointment from the past is getting in the way, plan a free introduction call with me.