About finding the courage to try again after being disappointed
To start something new, do something scary or go for something we truly want, we need hope.
Hope is the fuel that drives us into action, that allows us to move forward even when it is uncomfortable. Without hope we would give up in an instant, or not even try in the first place. Hope is a powerful thing, a positive force that helps us in the face of adversity.
But with hope also comes expectation. We get our hopes up that putting ourselves out there will lead to the result we want, which is why we are doing it in the first place. If those expectations aren´t met, we can get disappointed.
When you finally find the courage to apply for that dream job or ask for a promotion and you get rejected, the disappointment can lead to you feeling discouraged. Or when you decide to give love a chance after closing off your heart or being hurt, getting disappointed again makes you want to go back into your shell. It can stop you from trying again and putting yourself out there again, to avoid feeling the pain. This means you will avoid disappointment, but you also lose the chance to do something truly meaningful.
Disappointment is a natural part of life, but most of us haven´t learned how to deal with it.
Some of us had to deal with disappointment from a young age, while others moved through life easily. But what most of us have in common is that we don´t learn how to process disappointment in a healthy way. That is because most of our caregivers don´t really know what to do with disappointment either.
Some parents go for the strategy of taking away all obstacles for their children, so they never have to deal with disappointment. As a result, these children grow up without the resilience to handle setbacks. Others encourage the ´don´t complain and start again´ approach.
We are often encouraged to ignore our feelings, to just keep going and go straight to trying again. Or we are told to see our disappointment as a sign that we should give up and try something else. And for the short term, this can seem like a great strategy. Feeling disappointment usually means taking time away from trying, getting out of the flow. If we can ignore the disappointment and go back into action, it can feel like we are not letting the disappointment get to us. We might get praised for this by those around us.
The thing is, when we try to ignore it the disappointment it isn´t suddenly gone. It is just waiting to come out the next time we have expectations that aren´t met. Over time, getting disappointed one too many times can lead to feeling discouraged.
It might feel like allowing yourself time to feel disappointed might lead to not trying again. The opposite is true, though. Only when we let ourselves grieve the outcome we didn´t get we can heal our disappointment, and find the motivation to try again.
Disappointment is a natural part of having hopes and dreams, putting ourselves out there in a vulnerable way. Fear of disappointment often comes from feeling that we are not allowed to be disappointed. When we know we can handle disappointment, we feel free to experiment and try different things. When we don´t get the results we want, we know that we have the resilience to try again.
When you are in the process of making your dreams come true, here is how you can find the courage to try again after being disappointed.
1. Acknowledge the disappointment and allow yourself to feel it
Acknowledging that you feel hurt and allowing yourself the time you need to process your feelings is the only way to move past it at some point. Disappointment often comes with anger, frustration and sadness. Your feelings are valid, and you are allowed to be hurt. Talk about it, write about it, feel it in your body.
2. Recognize the courage it took to try
Trying something new or going for something you really want takes courage and vulnerability. Regardless of the outcome, can you give yourself credit for trying, for doing something that felt scary? You can´t always control the outcome of your actions, you can only do your part. When you can recognize that you took a courageous step, you might find that same courage to give it another go. Even if it didn´t work out this time, every step takes you closer to where you want to be.
3. Were your expectations realistic?
Once you have acknowledged the hurt, a good question to reflect on is whether you set realistic expectations for yourself. Disappointment is almost inevitable in life, but setting realistic expectations can make a significant difference in the intensity of it. When the initial pain is gone, can you see what you learned from this situation, and what could help you moving forward?
4. Get back to the desire
Why did you want to do the brave, scary thing in the first place? Why is it important to you, and what would it be like if you succeeded? Getting back in touch with the desire you feel is the fuel for taking action again. Allow yourself to dream again.
5. Take a baby step in the right direction
Putting yourself back out there, no matter how small the first step might be, is the only way to move towards what you desire. What is a tiny step in the right direction that you could take today? Remember that achieving big dreams is often the results of lots of baby steps.
If you are in the process of making your dreams come true, but your disappointment from the past is getting in the way, plan a free introduction call with me.