A SOFT APPROACH TO SETTING GOALS
Anyone who has ever tried implementing new habits or starting a new project knows it is challenging to show up for it consistently. Resistance, self-doubt and distraction get in the way. You might feel frustrated when you see no immediate progress and be ready to give up. Perhaps you become aware of how much you still need to learn, or how far off your goal you currently are. Maybe you don´t get the support you need from your loved ones, feeding the self-doubt that is probably already niggling at you. You could feel that there are a million other things you ´need´to do. Or maybe there are just other things you would rather do.
Oftentimes, new habits and steps will feel a little uncomfortable in the beginning, maybe even a little scary. Whether it is going to the gym for the first time or doing public speaking, applying for new opportunitie or signing up for that course, you will probably have a lot of mixed feelings about it, even when you really want to do it. Moving through the discomfort of trying new things, of doing what feels uncomfortable, boring or scary is an important part of moving forward.
In this phase, it can be helpful to set a routine for yourself and sticking to it religiosly for a while. Discipline helps you grow your resilience by showing up consistently, making it a little bit easier every time.
Finding the right balance between commitment and flexibility
But discipline can often tip into being harsh and rigid. In the online world of goal setting and productivity hacks, discipline is often presented as taking pride in fatigue and minimizing ´distractions´ (which could be anything from Netflix to seeing friends and family). While some people thrive with this approach, it can make you ignore the signs of your body and take away time from things that fill up your cup. With this approach, your self-worth can become attached to how committed you are. Over time, it can leave you feeling exhausted and disappointed in yourself.
When you have a rigid approach to your goals and habits takes away all the joy that comes with starting a new project or taking better care of yourself. While not everything in life will feel fun and exciting, finding joy in what you do every day does help you stay consistent. When you feel no joy or flexibility around your goal, the chance is much higher that you will give up on it at some point.
Finding the right amount of discipline is like walking on a tightrope. When you are not committed, your projects might never come to fruition. When you become controlling, you no longer allow flexibility in your routine. Finding a way to to show up consistently while also honoring your needs is key. This gentler approach to goal setting is what I like to call soft discipline.
What soft discipline looks like
Soft discipline means consistently giving time and energy to what you care about, while allowing yourself to grow at your own pace. It means listening to your body and taking time off when you need it, to pick things back up when you had rest. Soft discipline is doing things that are a little out of your comfort zone to grow, without overwhelming your nervous system. It means planning time for rest, play and whatever brings you joy.
Having a gentler approach to setting goals also means being honest with yourself about what else is going on in your life: how much priority does this goal have in your life right now? Do you have the physical, emotional and mental capacity to start a new project or habit? How much time can you realistically dedicate to this goal without feeling overwhelmed? Everyone has their own definition of a successful, fulfilled life. Rest, fun and spending time with loved ones are equally as important to living a fulfilled, happy life as growing in your career.
Building a routine that makes space to consistently work on what you care about, while being realistic about your time and other needs allows you to commit while living a balanced life. When you let go of the rigid approach, it opens up space to see how you can make the process more joyful for yourself. You can be serious about your ambitions while being flexible about the way to get there. Making room for flexibility might let you see that there are many ways to get to where you want to go, without having a tunnel vision on one specific approach.
Being committed because you care
When you focus on goals and dreams that truly matter to you, you can trust that you are committed to them even when you miss a day or when you show up imperfectly. When you truly desire to start your own business, be healthier or learn a new skill ,that desire is the fuel that gets you going.
Whenever you feel like you are getting off track, getting back in touch with WHY something matters to you should be your motivation to recommit. You will feel that longing in your entire body. If you can´t get in touch with that feeling, you could ask yourself if your motivation came from external factors rather than from you. Expectations of others, the feeling that we ´should´ do or be something, can be a powerful motivator for a short period of time but this motivation usually won´t last. When you deeply desire to do something for your own joy, happiness, wellbeing or growth, it is so much easier to feel the commitment.
That does not mean that there won´t be any self-doubt and self-sabotage in the process. We all have beliefs, fears and doubts holding us back in one way or another. But the process of showing up consistently, taking constant action no matter how small and insignificant it may seem, is a great way of slowly but sustainably overcoming these doubts and fears.
If you feel that you are committed, but still find yourself procrastinating, there might be some deep rooted feelings that the task or project brings up. I talk more about procrastination and the reasons behind it here.
If soft discipline is something you want to apply in your life but you find it challenging to break old patterns, feel free to plan an introduction call with me and see how I can support you on this journey.