Why workplace loneliness matters and how it impacts our wellbeing and productivity
Whether we enjoy our work or not often has a lot to do with the people we work with. When we experience belonging at work, we feel safe enough to do our most creative work. At the same time, it is challenging to be resilient and flexible when that safety is missing.
For most us, work is a big part of our day. And while not everyone goes to a physical workplace anymore, the people we work with are an important part of how we experience our work. Oftentimes we didn´t choose the people we work with, and they might be very different from us in terms of beliefs, values and experiences. But the quality of the relationship we have with them have a big impact on our overall wellbeing and productivity.
I will always have fond memories of one of my first jobs. The tasks were repetitive and the office itself was quite uninspiring, but my coworkers made the job. I knew that every day, in between tasks, there would be people I could laugh with and be myself around.
At the same time, clients and friends often share how they enjoy the work they do but find it hard to connect to the people they work with. This often becomes the main reason for them to look for a new job.
Whether or not we feel seen, heard and appreciated for who we are has a significant impact on how we experience our work life.
As Brené Brown describes in Atlas of the Heart, ´at the heart of loneliness is the absence of meaningful social interaction – an intimate relationship, friendships, family gatherings, or even community or work group connections´.
Loneliness is about the perceived disconnection from others, a state where you feel unseen, unheard and unappreciated. While you may have beautiful relationships in your life, the lack of those connections in your work life can create a feeling of loneliness.
We all have a deep need for connection. Our nervous system feels safe when we receive cues of safety from others: we pick up on subtly differences in tone, body language and facial expressions. On top of that, the work setting is one where most of us have some insecurities, like imposter syndrome or fear of failure. And so we are extra sensitive to the cues we pick up.
The cause of loneliness at work can be both external – the culture and social norms – as well as internal – in the forms of wounds, fears and beliefs that we picked up throughout our lives.
When you have unprocessed life experiences that have left its mark on you, you tend to look at interactions with others through the lens of those wounds. And so part of the barrier to connection might be the walls you have built around you to protect you from vulnerability. As you focus on growing your emotional safety, you learn to let your guard down. Perhaps you find that you can connect to the people around you more than you thought.
But the culture of a workplace plays a big role as well. Anything from the language that is used, the communication style and the examples set by leadership are an important part of whether a workplace feels safe or not. Is the workplace competitive, or does it focus on cultivating everyone´s different qualities? Are you encouraged to try different things, or are there consequences to making mistakes?
Loneliness at work triggers the fight-or-flight response and impacts your ability to be creative and resilient.
Clients who feel unsafe in their workplace often describe work as surviving. Since we are wired to be part of a community and feel unsafe when we can´t find connection, loneliness at work can trigger the fight-or-flight response.
This response can manifest as isolating and distancing yourself, avoiding confrontation where you can. It can also come up as arguing and interrupting others.
The way our nervous system work is that to be creative and resilient in our problem-solving skills, we need to feel calm and safe. And so it is very challenging to do our best work when we feel unsafe.
Investing in a work culture where connection and feeling supported are a priority has major effects on everyone´s ability to do their best work while feeling grounded and empowered. Practice what you preach is important here, so the leadership team really must embody this culture for it to be effective.