Reclaiming your self-worth by recognizing your patterns of fear and doubt
So many of the clients I work with have deep-rooted self-doubts when it comes to their career path. And what I have noticed is that often it doesn´t matter whether they just started in their career or are seen as an expert in their field. In fact, sometimes it seems like the more of an expert you become, the more imposter syndrome pops up, as the more you know the more you also realize how much you don´t know. When you compare yourself to others who are in a similar position, they always seem to have exactly the experience, natural talent or degree that you are missing. And so, you always feel like you are falling short.
Imposter syndrome is something that most of us are familiar with. I think everyone recognizes that feeling of wondering if we truly know what we are doing, or if we just somehow ended up where we did through luck and pure coincidence. It is natural to compare ourselves to others and to wonder whether we have enough knowledge, experience and natural talent to be where we are, or where we want to be.
But for many of us, it is more than the occasional moment of self-doubt. Imposter syndrome can make you question your every move, undermine your confidence and turn work into a source of stress.
Imposter syndrome often comes from a combination of our own fears and insecurities and the pressure we feel from the outside world.
Work is a significant part of our lives. It is our source of creating a livelihood for ourselves and our families, and that creates a lot of pressure. We derive a certain sense of safety from our work, and often we identify strongly with what we do. Work brings up a combination of our fears around money and being able to survive, as well as being a part of the community, in this case our coworkers or society at large.
As we move through life, we all pick up on certain fears and insecurities. Our upbringing, life experiences and the beliefs of those around us tend to influence how we see ourselves and the expectations that we feel we should meet. In a work setting, these fears and doubts tend to come to the surface.
And it is not just the internal pressure we feel, every workplace and career choice come with its own set of expectations as well. We are often measured to the same generic standards that give the impression that there is one right way of doing things. This can make us feel like there is some sort of norm that we have to strive for, and we can fall into the trap of always feeling like we could do more, be more or fall short compared to others.
In today´s world of work, we are taught that we can always improve ourselves. There is always another course, another skill we can learn or another year of experience we could have had. We are taught to compare ourselves to others and focus on the scarcity of what we offer. Rather than celebrating ourselves and our differences, we are in competition with each other, and it can seem like there is always someone better, faster or more efficient than us.
Since we are expected to exude confidence in a work setting, and our livelihood depends on how well we come across, work can become a place where we perform rather than show up as ourselves. Most of the time we don´t feel safe enough to express our fears, doubts and insecurities, since we are afraid that we won´t be taken seriously and that will affect our income. It can feel like we have to pretend to have it all together, know all the answers and be certain of every move that we make.
Imposter syndrome is often a nervous system response to the perceived risk of feeling like a fraud. It triggers protection mechanisms to keep ourselves safe from failure, rejection and judgment.
Imposter syndrome is not just a series of thoughts in your head – it is also a nervous system reaction. When you feel like a fraud and are scared that others will find out, it feels like danger in your body. The fear of not being good enough is a core wound for many of us. We inherently need others to survive, and so we feel safe when we are seen as a valuable member of the group. When we question our role and feel like we are failing, get rejected or judged that core fear gets triggered.
When we feel like we have to pretend that we are more confident, experienced or certain than we are, it reinforces the idea that we are not good enough. The fear of not being good enough is a core wound for many of us. Whenever we feel like we are failing, get rejected or judged that fear gets triggered. And so we often develop self-protection mechanisms to shield ourselves from that fear.
For some people, this self-protection mechanism is perfectionism: when you set impossible standards for yourself, you try to avoid criticism from others. At the same time, you are judging yourself in the way that you are afraid others might. Others deal with the fear of not being good enough by overworking to the point of exhaustion, as a way of constantly proving your worth. It can even look like procrastination, because you can´t be judged for something you didn´t do.
All these mechanisms are there to give us some feeling of control in a situation of great uncertainty. The problem is that while they may help in the short term, they often make you feel exhausted and constantly stressed.
Underneath these mechanisms is a sense of unworthiness. You haven´t found the trust in your own abilities, and the deeper sense of self-worth that makes you feel that you are allowed to be there as you currently are.
We often look for external validation, for other people to tell us that we are good enough. But not all career paths have independent authorities that decide whether we are allowed to fulfil the role that you are in. Often, we need to give ourselves the validation that we are allowed to be in that role, even when there´s still room for growth. We need to give ourselves permission to make mistakes, and not have all the answers, and still see the value in what we offer.
External validation is often just a temporary bandage on the wound, and we need to keep receiving it to feel secure about ourselves. When you explore the feelings that work brings up in a safe setting and give yourself permission to be afraid, you learn to separate your feelings from the situation that brought them up. And when you do, you create the space to recognize your worth.
Ironically, when we stop looking for validating outside of ourselves and focus on validating ourselves, that is often when others start seeing our worth.
Truly feeling secure and confident in what you do comes from you seeing your own value, embracing your unique talents and journey to where you are now.
You have a unique set of life experiences, natural talents and personality traits that no one else has. As you explore your beliefs about yourself and the unprocessed emotions behind it, you create space to move forward from a place of valuing yourself deeply. The more you see your worth, the less self-critical you will be, and the less criticism from others will throw you off.
When you embody a deeper sense of self-worth, it is easier to accept that you have the right to make mistakes, to not know everything and to ask for help from others around you. No one can do everything by themselves, and the more you trust your own abilities the easier it will be to ask for help for the things that are not your greatest strength.
When you focus on your own value, on the natural skills and abilities that you bring, your whole perspective changes. You could still do that course, develop a skill or gain more experience, but it comes from a place of joy and curiosity rather than fear and insecurity.
If you are ready to embrace your unique talents and move forward in your career with confidence, send me an email to plan an introduction call.
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Why we avoid risks – and how to find true safety instead
A gentle approach to overcoming your fear
The hidden reasons behind your procrastination