Overcoming the fear-based career advice we grow up with
For many of us, work is where our hopes and dreams meet our fears and insecurities.
Your career path offers the chance to immerse yourself in your natural curiosities, embody your talents, and devote yourself to a calling. When you are on the right path, it can be a source of fulfilment, confidence and community.
At the same time, work is more than just a passion project. It is how we provide for ourselves and our loved ones in this world. Therefore, it can be a source of deep anxiety as well.
Money is inherently intertwined with a sense of security and safety in the world. Our finances play a part in how we feel about the future, and often about ourselves as well. Because, while money does not determine our value in the world, it can often feel like it does.
We are all born with natural talents and gifts. In children you can already see that they naturally gravitate towards certain hobbies, or that they have personality traits that make them unique.
If your talents are related to school subjects, like writing or math, you probably discovered these talents quite early in life. Depending on whether you and your environment valued and encouraged these talents from a young age, you may have built a career around them.
If your talents are less tangible, you may have had more trouble translating them into a career. Maybe you are a great listener, or you are the person that brings people together. You could be the one that are the one that always has a unique perspective on every situation. You might be very detail-oriented or a great organizer.
Whether they are immediately visible or not, we all have talents and interests that come naturally. They are often the things we effortlessly do when we are our most natural selves.
Maybe because these gifts come so naturally, we take them for granted when we grow up.
I often speak to people who know what they are good at, but don´t see it as particularly valuable. Especially when their gifts were not valued and encouraged when they were young, they often end up seeing their talents as just something they do. When you fail to recognize the worth of what you offer, charging money for it becomes challenging.
Most people grow up with innate fears around money. Whether your caregivers had enough money or not, they probably had certain beliefs and worries around making a living that were passed on to you. It is possible that they were actively giving you advice, but also that their beliefs were reflected in the choices they made. Many of my clients say that they simply felt that their parents were worried about money, even if they never said it out loud.
These fears are often passed down through several generations, and whether we are aware of it or not, drive a lot of the decisions we make around money and career.
And this makes sense. We all have an inherent need for safety, and life can be unpredictable. Our caregivers generally feel a lot of pressure to take care of their loved ones, and with this pressure comes anxiety. This anxiety is then passed down, shaping the decisions of the next generation. As a result, many of us choose career paths that promise stability, even if they don´t align with our true nature.
Our career choices often begin at a young age, influenced heavily by the beliefs, fears, and experiences of those around us—particularly our caregivers.
When you choose a path for the sole reason of it giving you safety, it is challenging to feel fulfilled in your work. Your work then becomes a separate element, rather than an integral part of your life. It can feel like you are playing a role as soon as you step into the workplace.
When the other elements of your life are flowing, this does not have to be such a problem. You can find fulfilment in your hobbies, relationships or volunteering. Not everything we are good at needs to be monetized. It is very healthy to do certain activities purely because they give you joy. Seeing everything you do as a potential way to make money is often a form of being in survival mode. Keeping some of your favourite activities just for your enjoyment without putting any pressure on the outcome is a big part of a healthy and happy life.
But it´s hard to shine in a role that feels removed from your authentic nature. It can be exhausting to spend so much time doing something that isn´t quite right for you, and over time it can diminish your spark.
The deeper your fears run and the more ingrained your pattern to look for safety is, the more challenging it is to choose a different direction. But there is a different direction you can take in your career, one that looks at your talents and qualities as inherently valuable.
A career that honors who you are means a shift from ´what are the skills I need to make money? ´ to ´where are my natural skills and talents most appreciated?´
It means that you learn to lean into the trust that there is a natural role for you to fulfil in society. A role that adds value to other people´s life and this planet as a whole. It asks you to recognize that you deserve to receive payment in exchange for the value you add. And that receiving that payment is allowed to feel natural.
For our ancestors that lived in a time before money became a thing, this was a common concept. People would fulfil a natural role in the community based on what they were skilled at. Some people naturally gravitated towards leadership roles, while others were great at providing the food, nursing the sick or teaching the children.
We are often made to feel like we are in competition with each other, and that we need to do whatever we can to stand out. It can seem like there is always someone out there with more experience or talent than you. When you constantly feel a need to improve yourself and develop skills that don´t come naturally, work feels stressful and exhausting.
But when you choose to embody your unique essence, there is truly no competition. When you trust that your natural essence has value, and that you are the only one who can evoke it, the focus changes from what you are lacking to what you are offering.
Choosing a career path that aligns with your authentic nature does not mean that there won´t be any challenges
It can feel deeply uncomfortable at first to receive payment for something that feels naturally to you. If you have always been pushing and striving then feeling greater ease can feel like something is wrong, and like you don´t deserve to get paid for your work. It requires you to reframe how you see work and receiving payment for your contribution.
We all have limiting ideas about money and what we need to do to deserve it. Growing a career based on your strengths asks you to see that what is effortless to you is highly valuable to someone else, as we each have our own set of gifts to offer. When you truly value what you offer, receiving payment for your contribution becomes a natural exchange.
Choosing an authentic and aligned career path doesn´t mean that there is nothing left to learn. Most people thrive when they learn new things, become better at certain skills and go out of their comfort zone. While some people love excitement and a fast-paced life, others prefer a more gentle way of working. Regardless of your preference, your chosen path will probably invite you to explore your fears and self-doubt.
The difference is that your challenges and growth will feel more organic when you are on a path that is right for you. There is more of a flow to it, and even when it feels challenging there is a deeper feeling that it is right. Your professional path and personal development are more intertwined, rather than two separate entities.
Where to start: small steps towards an aligned career
An important first step is to recognize the fears you have inherited, and to acknowledge the influence of these fears on your career decisions.
As long as these fears are in the driver´s seat, choosing a new path can be challenging. I recommend you learn what that fear feels like in your body. Notice the sensations and breathe into them. Go slow and gentle, you have carried these feelings with you for a long time and it takes some time to become comfortable with them. I have written about fear and safety here and here.
As your fears slowly have less of a hold on you, you create the space to (re)connect with what you long for. If you find this challenging, it can help to reflect on what you enjoyed as a child. Follow your natural interests, explore your talents and give yourself space to experiment. You don´t have to get it right the first time, or the third time. Get to know yourself better and follow your joy.
Another important step is to learn the value of what you naturally offer. You may want to use more of your talents in the job you already have, start a business on the side or apply for something new. Give yourself the space to ease into this process. As you go slow, you build a steady foundation for the rest of your life.
If you would like to build a career that honors your authentic nature and feel like you could use some guidance, feel free to send me an email and tell me more about yourself.