Finding the spark without chasing the high
Excitement is the juice of life. It is that feeling that something amazing is about to happen, that makes us feel equally enthusiastic and a little bit nervous.
It has a sense of restlessness to it, like we want it to happen right now while we also enjoy the anticipation. It gives us both the joy of the event itself, and the satisfaction of the foretaste.
Excitement is a powerful energy that sharpens your senses and makes you feel deeply alive. Without excitement, life can feel a little lackluster. It is no wonder, then, that when we don´t feel excited about our circumstances, it feels like something important is lacking.
A healthy dose of excitement makes life feel more vibrant. It let´s us feel the magic in the mundane, and allows us to transcend the ordinary, if only for a moment. What makes us feel excited is unique to each of us.
It can be the start of something new, like falling in love or starting that job you have wanted for a long time. You might find it in challenging sports, or joining a writing class where you share your work with others. Maybe you want to move abroad for a while, as the idea of a new environment excites you.
What these situations have in common is that there is an element of joy, mixed in with a little bit of fear. It is something you desire, and at the same time it can feel a little bit uncomfortable. Because it requires you to be vulnerable, it needs you to go out of your comfort zone and step into the unknown.
To the nervous system, excitement feels very similar to fear. It gives you the same activated energy, with a raised heartbeat and sweaty palms.
For this reason, it is an energy that some of us prefer to avoid. If you haven´t built a certain resilience to fear and uncertainty, you might subconsciously avoid excitement and prefer to always feel calm. When your nervous system is wired to pick up on every uncertainty, you might subconsciously avoid what excites you because your nervous system prefers to hold on to what feels safe and familiar.
There is, of course, nothing wrong with being calm. For the most part, going through life feeling calm is healthy and helpful. It means you are not in survival mode but living your life. Calmness allows you to think clearly, enjoy your daily routines and go about your day without feeling exhausted. I believe all humans crave a certain sense of safety and stability. But when we crave safety above all else, life can become a little stagnant.
The things we most long for often require us to take a little bit of risk, to do things differently than we have done them so far.
When you have a need to always feel safe, you will avoid risks and therefore also miss out on feeling great excitement. As I have written before, avoiding risks is not safety: feeling true safety means taking healthy risks without feeling overwhelmed.
The fear of disappointment is another reason why some people prefer not to feel excited about things. There is often great unprocessed pain buried under this attitude. When we haven´t fully acknowledged the disappointments of our past, we are still wounded by them. To avoid feeling that same pain, we avoid the things we most long for. But that also means missing out on great joy. When we process past disappointments, we create space to try again with a blank slate.
Feeling true, full body excitement often comes from taking risks and doing things that feel a little scary.But when this feels deeply uncomfortable, you don´t have to jump right in. You can gently stretch your resilience for the discomfort by taking little steps towards a more exciting life. You are allowed to go at your own pace and decide for yourself what an exciting life looks like. Not everyone has the same need for risks and newness, but I believe we could all use a little bit of it in our lives. Finding the sweet spot for you greatly improves the quality of your life.
On the other end of the spectrum, there is those of us that are constantly seeking excitement in everything we do.
While some people long for safety and stability, other people seek a life full of adventure. That can be a wonderful thing: living a life where you challenge yourself to grow and try new experiences. Everyone has different needs and preferences, and it is totally valid to want an exciting, adventurous life.
When you recognize yourself in this, it can be helpful to ask yourself if this is truly the life you want to live, or if you are using excitement as a form of escapism. You may seek the adrenaline that comes with what is new, and find it hard to invest in something meaningful for a longer period of time.
Just like we can get addicted to stress, your nervous system can get used to chaos and adrenaline. When you are used to feeling that rush in your body, a calm and peaceful life can feel stagnant. If you find that every time you settle into a routine life feels boring to you, and you find yourself looking for the next thing, this could come from a deeper sense of ungroundedness. You then constantly hope that the next thing will give you the satisfaction you so deeply crave, leading you to hop from one thing to the next in your career, relationships and living situations.
While our needs are all different, it can be very meaningful to invest in relationships, homes and career paths. Nervous system work can be very helpful to feel a bit more grounded, while still finding adventure in your life.
If you are looking for more excitement in your life, or feel that you are using excitement as escapism, feel free to plan a free introduction call with me so I can share more about the work we can do to get you there.