How your nervous system, beliefs and past experiences impact your capacity to receive what you long for
We often have barriers of self-protection against letting in the things we most long for, as receiving them means we could get hurt and may feel that we don´t deserve them on some level. To let them in, we must slowly lower those barriers and become comfortable with receiving them.
Most of us want the same things out of life: a loving relationship, supportive friendships, a meaningful career and a healthy balanced life. But when it comes to the things we want the most, we have also built barriers against them.
When it comes to receiving the things we long for, we often talk about the steps we need to take to get there. What we don´t talk about enough is our capacity to receive those very things when they come along.
As we move through life and experience disappointment, pain or sadness that we haven´t fully processed, we often develop self-protection mechanisms to shield ourselves from feeling that way again. Growing up, we also get messages instilled in us about what we need to do or be to deserve the things we desire. And so, we might feel that on some level we aren´t worthy (yet) of getting what we want, we are not ready, or we want to protect ourselves from the pain that could come with it.
A loving relationship means you could get your heart broken. When you have a career that means something to you, the potential failure and rejection you might experience will hurt a lot more. Friendships where you choose to let down your guard could result in getting disappointment. And the rest and balance you long for could come with a lot of guilt and fear that things will fall apart when you are not on top of things.
Our capacity to receive has to do with whether we feel the safety, self-worth and readiness to hold on to what we most long for.
When we don´t (yet) have the capacity to receive what we long for, we will feel a deep discomfort when an opportunity for the love, connection, success, recognition or rest we long for presents itself.
Our nervous system is wired to keep us safe, and when we don´t feel safe enough to let in the very things we desire we will feel a strong urge to move away from it. This is not always a conscious process: we often self-sabotage ourselves subconsciously.
When we feel a deep physical discomfort, we often interpret that as something not being right. And that could be the case. But we also have these barriers of self-protection that come up when we get closer to getting what we want.
A common reaction to that discomfort is to withdraw and move away from the opportunity that presents itself. We put our walls back up in our relationships, losing the opportunity for connection. We feel vulnerable in career opportunities and say no to things that could be great for us. Or we self-sabotage in more subtle ways: with procrastination, perfectionism, not sharing our true feelings or needs or starting conflicts to create distance.
This cycle often repeats itself until we address what is underneath: the vulnerability we feel, the fear of getting hurt or finding out we are not good enough to receive what we long for.
When we accept the deep discomfort we feel and gently process the feelings that are underneath it, we heal our past emotional wounds. Without the emotional residue, our nervous system will learn to feel safe receiving, and we can hold on to opportunities when they come along.
Rather than taking action, the art of receiving is a process of softening into the trust that we deserve the things we long for. It is about expanding our capacity for joy, intimacy and trust by giving ourselves permission to feel those feelings in our body.
If you would like some support on this journey and could use my guidance, feel free to send me an email.
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