Embracing joy: how to let go of your resistance to happiness

Your biggest barrier to joy is your own ability to let it in

Joy is one of the most uplifting emotions we can feel. It is highly contagious – seeing someone else´s joy instantly puts us in a good mood. And on top of that, the endorphins that come with it increase our overall wellbeing. It is no wonder joy is what we all long to feel and experience, as those moments where we feel it are often our fondest memories.

When you look at children (the ones lucky enough to have a relatively happy childhood), you can see that joy comes naturally to them. Just like anger and sadness are a natural part of their day. And since we were all children once, joy is supposed to come naturally to adults as well. But for many of us, it does not come that easily. It is like we don´t always give ourselves permission to feel joy.

As we move through life, our experiences and beliefs can put a barrier between us and our joy.

For some of us, that barrier is guilt. Maybe you grew up hearing that you were not allowed to have fun until you had finished all your chores, or that fun was a waste of time. As an adult, that can result in always feeling like you have something important to do rather than just take in the moment. You may feel restless when you do something that is supposed to feel fun or feel guilty when you take time for yourself rather than do something for others. Or you feel guilty when you are enjoying yourself while you know that some of your loved ones are struggling.

Maybe you are having a hard time feeling relaxed. When you are used to feeling stressed and anxious, feeling joyful can feel unfamiliar to your nervous system. You might then subconsciously reject joy, because what is unfamiliar can feel highly uncomfortable, even when it is supposed to feel good. You might feel fear and mistrust around joy, feeling that it won´t last anyway and that you´ll end up highly disappointed when it eventually passes. So, rather than enjoying and taking in the beautiful moments that life offers you, you are bracing yourself for the bad times that will surely follow it.

If you are someone who likes to be in control of the situation and has a hard time letting go, feeling truly joyful might be challenging for you. Joy requires that you let go of everything else, even if it is just momentarily. It needs you to fully show up and be present in the moment, leaving all other things aside for a moment.

Joy requires a certain level of surrender. It means letting your guard down and flowing with what unfolds.

Just like we can feel resistance to joy, we can also try to grasp and hold onto it. But then we are no longer enjoying the moment, but controlling how we feel. Life is not meant to feel joyful all the time, we are humans experiencing the whole spectrum of emotions. The more we allow ourselves to be in our natural state, the easier it becomes to enjoy those moments of joy when we get to experience them.

What we can do is invite more joy into our lives. We can make space for joyful activities and add an element of joy to our daily routine. That might look like traveling and exploring new destinations. You might enjoy dancing and singing along at a festival, or swimming with your kids. It could be taking the time to cook a great meal, cuddling with the dog or listening to your favorite music while you do your morning routine. Carve out time and give yourself permission to feel truly happy, even if it is a small portion of your day.

What does joy feel like in your body? And what does the resistance feel like?

Joy is a life-giving, full body experience. The exact sensations are unique to each person, but it often feels like butterflies, a light shiver accompanied by a deep sense of calm and presence. What does full body joy feel like to you? What are the memories that come up when you think about that feeling? If you can´t think of what truly brings you joy at the moment, bringing back joyful memories can help remind you of that feeling.

If you feel resistance to joy, spending time doing things just for fun and for yourself, I would like to invite you to examine what your barriers look like. When you are engaged in a joyful activity, what do you notice in your mind and body? Do you feel resistance? What are the thoughts, feelings and physical sensations that show up when you feel that resistance?

When you acknowledge and integrate the resistance, your barrier to feeling joy will dissipate, allowing you to fully take in the moment when it comes along.

If you feel that you have a lot of complicated feelings around joy and you would like some guidance to release the resistance and allow more joy into your life, feel free to schedule a free introduction call with me.