Perhaps your traits were never flaws- they just weren´t nurtured in the right environment
Ever since I was young, I have been a big daydreamer. If you leave me unattended for a certain amount of time, you´ll find me drifting off into my imagination. Growing up I never needed books, the tv or other people to entertain myself, because I felt a deep sense of awe and wonder about life and everything I saw around me.
While daydreaming was my favorite activity, it was often annoying for other people. In school, when walking down the street or in the middle of an explanation I would just drift off for a bit. People would often have to repeat their question, or even grab me by my arm to prevent me from being hit by a car.
All my school reports mentioned me being a dreamer as something to improve. And truth be told, my tendency to drift off made certain things, like driving a car, difficult. My environment was constantly mirroring back to me that this trait, that felt so natural to me, was something that I needed to unlearn to thrive in life.
I internalized that my daydreaming was my biggest flaw, a trait that I had to learn to control, fix and change.
This belief continued when I started law school, as it was important to be sharp and present, analytic and detail-oriented. There wasn´t much room for imagination, and so I did my best to be as present as possible and teach myself tricks to stop myself from drifting off. I started believing that there was something wrong with me, and that I had to do everything within my power to change this part of me.
And then one day, at my part-time job, I met a girl who had the exact same trait as me. We joked about how we were unable to do certain jobs, like working in hospitality, because we would be too distracted staring at the clouds.
But then she told me that she considered her daydreaming tendency to be one of her great strengths.
Excuse me?!
She explained that she worked as a wedding photographer, and that her dreamy side helped her create the beautiful imagery that people wanted for their special day. It gave her a unique view on things, and this was an asset in her profession.
She didn´t know it then, but she changed my life that day. It was one of those lightbulb moments where, for the first time, I started considering that what I had considered my biggest flaw could be a valuable trait if I chose the right path. It planted a seed in me where I started considering that perhaps, it wasn´t me who needed to change, but instead I could consider choosing a career path where my authentic nature would shine.
In the wrong environment, your greatest strengths will look like flaws
I slowly started realizing that my daydreaming gives me a unique perspective on life, a deep sense of empathy for other people and the ability to appreciate the beauty in others as well as the world around me. It allows me to read between the lines of what is said and what is meant. All traits that are highly beneficial for my work as a coach and writer.
The clients I get to work with are often quick to point out their own flaws as well: they are too much of a generalist and haven´t specialized in anything. Or they have specialized too much and now find it hard to switch careers. They are too outspoken and go against the grain too much, or they are too introverted in an environment where they are constantly pushed to be in the center of attention.
And it is no wonder many people feel this way. We are constantly measured against generic standards and compared to others, starting in school and continuing in the workplace. When we never get the encouragement that the parts of us that are different have value, we start internalizing that this part of us is not good enough. Since we often choose our career path at such a young age, many of us choose to go down a path that goes against our authentic nature, where our flaws will constantly be reflected back to us.
But what if your flaw isn´t a flaw at all, but rather a part of you that would flourish in the right environment?
Your sensitivity may make you feel overwhelmed at times, but it also helps you deeply connect with others, which is great in any role where you are working with people.
When you always find yourself questioning authority, you may be seen as annoying and uncooperative in one place and as a great visionary in another environment.
Your introversion may not make you the most suitable for working in groups but allows you to be great at work that requires deep concentration.
When you start accepting that there is nothing wrong with you and embrace your authentic nature, it become much more natural to find the environments where you are celebrates. It starts with a deep sense of self-acceptance, and the unraveling of the beliefs you have picked up along the way.
Rather than asking yourself ´how can I improve to fit into this environment´, you then shift the focus to ´where do my natural gifts and authentic nature shine the most?´
Rather than working against your unique wiring, you start seeing that your natural way of being offers you qualities, perspectives and gifts that are of value to the world around you. The more you embody your self-worth, the more freely you will express yourself, and the more natural it feels to create and accept opportunities that are a true match for you.
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