Perhaps your traits were never flaws- they just weren´t nurtured in the right environment
We are often encouraged to fit into a generic standard to fit in. Anything that falls outside of that spectrum can then be seen as a flaw. But what if your flaws aren´t actually flaws, but your greatest strengths that just don´t flourish in the environment that you are in?
Ever since I was young, I have been a big daydreamer. If you leave me unattended for a certain amount of time, you´ll find me drifting off into my imagination. Growing up I never needed books, the tv or other people to entertain myself, because I felt a deep sense of awe and wonder about life and everything I saw around me.
While daydreaming was my favorite activity, it was often annoying for other people. In school, when walking down the street or in the middle of an explanation I would just drift off for a bit. People would often have to repeat their question, or even grab me by my arm to prevent me from being hit by a car.
All my school reports mentioned me being a dreamer as something to improve. And truth be told, my tendency to drift off made certain things, like driving a car, difficult. My environment was constantly mirroring back to me that this trait, that felt so natural to me, was something that I needed to unlearn to thrive in life.
I internalized that my daydreaming was my biggest flaw, a trait that I had to learn to control, fix and change.
This belief continued when I started law school, as it was important to be sharp and present, analytic and detail-oriented. There wasn´t much room for imagination, and so I did my best to be as present as possible and teach myself tricks to stop myself from drifting off. I started believing that there was something wrong with me, and that I had to do everything within my power to change this part of me.
And then one day, at my part-time job, I met a girl who had the exact same trait as me. We joked about how we were unable to do certain jobs, like working in hospitality, because we would be too distracted staring at the clouds.
But of course, she told me, it also has its benefits to be a daydreamer.
Excuse me?!
She explained that she worked as a wedding photographer, and that her dreamy side helped her create the beautiful imagery that people wanted for their special day. It gave her a unique view on things, and this was an asset in her profession.
She didn´t know it then, but she changed my life that day. Her remarks planted the seed in me that perhaps my dreaminess wasn´t a flaw, but that I had chosen a path where it was. Since I had internalized the belief that this part of me was not valuable, I had built a career path around avoiding it.
In the wrong environment, your greatest strengths will look like flaws
Fast forward to today and I now know that my dreaminess gives me a unique perspective on life, a deep sense of empathy for other people and the ability to appreciate the beauty in others as well as the world around me. It allows me to read between the lines of what is said and what is meant. All traits that are highly beneficial for my work as a coach and writer.
The clients I get to work with are often quick to point out their own flaws as well: they are too much of a generalist and haven´t specialized in anything. Or they have specialized too much and now find it hard to switch careers. They are too outspoken and go against the grain too much, or they are too introverted and don´t want to take center stage.
And it is no wonder many people feel this way. We are constantly measured against generic standards and compared to others, starting in school and continuing in the workplace. When we never get the encouragement that the parts of us that are different have value, we start internalizing that this part of us is not good enough.
From that belief, we subconsciously create a life that reinforces that belief. That reinforcement could come up in friendships, relationships or work. Since we often choose our career path at such a young age, many of us choose to go down a path that goes against our authentic nature.
When you choose a career path that is quite removed from who you are, you often lead with your flaws. This can strengthen the belief that you need to fix or change an essential part of who you are.
But what if your flaw isn´t a flaw at all, but rather a part of you that would flourish in the right environment?
Your sensitivity may make you feel overwhelmed at times, but it also helps you deeply connect with others, which is great in any role where you are working with people.
When you always find yourself questioning authority, you may be seen as annoying and uncooperative in one place and as a great visionary in another environment.
Your introversion may not make you the most suitable for working in groups but allows you to be great at work that requires deep concentration.
When you embrace your authentic nature and lead with the parts that make you inherently you, you can build a career around who you naturally are. This starts with you: when you start seeing these parts of you as your gold, it becomes much easier for others to see it as well. You will then naturally feel more out of place in environments where these parts of you aren´t valued and appreciated.
When you deeply accept and value who you are, you start seeing your natural traits in a new light.
Rather than asking yourself ´how can I improve to fit into this environment´, you then shift the focus to ´where do my natural gifts and authentic nature shine the most?´
Rather than working against your unique wiring, you start seeing that your natural way of being offers you qualities, perspectives and gifts that are of value to the world around you. The more you embody your self-worth, the more freely you will express yourself, and the more natural it feels to create and accept opportunities that are a true match for you.
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