A gentle form of bravery that doesn´t overwhelm your nervous system
We are often taught that courage means looking your fears right in the eye and moving forward regardless. But when we haven´t built the confidence and trust in ourselves, going all in can easily overwhelm our nervous system. Instead we can choose to take a softer, gentler approach to courage. One that, over time, allows you to grow your confidence and safety in an organic way.
When I first started my business, I was advised by pretty much everyone I met to not let fear hold me back. Encouraged by the endless amounts of resources telling us that fear is the obstacle on the way to our dreams, I felt like I needed to be courageous and take bold action from the beginning.
The thing is, I didn´t really feel that courage.
While I felt a deep pull towards this work, I felt equally afraid – or perhaps even more so. After I took a step forward, my fear and self-doubt would catch up with me, and I literally wanted to hide under the bed. In the beginning, it would take me three weeks to pick up the courage for another big move, and the cycle would repeat itself.
It wasn´t just my thoughts that focused on my self-doubt, I felt it in my body as well. There was a lingering sense of unsafety in my body, sometimes erupting into panic. I knew it wasn´t really unsafe for me to move forward, but our bodies often can´t tell the difference between perceived and real threats. I have written more about fear and our nervous system here and here.
When we take steps towards something we deeply long for, our deepest fears tend to come to the surface as well. We might feel fear of disappointment, failure, judgment, abandonment or rejection. Or perhaps it is simply the fear of big changes, because as deeply as we may long for something, change is often scary. We are wired to want what feels comfortable, even when we have outgrown it.
When it comes to fear, we are often modeled two approaches.
The first one is to stay as far away from what we fear as possible. This can look like avoidance, but also like waiting for something to fall into place so we can move forward.
If you want to create meaningful change, courageous steps are necessary. It’s tempting to wait until we feel confident enough or have gained more experience, but there may never be a moment when we feel fully ready. We can get caught in a cycle of thinking we need another course, more time, money, or experience before taking a step.
We can also spend a lot of time waiting for someone else to give us the permission to move forward. This could be a parent, your partner, or someone you see as an authority figure. But the tricky part is that others usually start believing in us when we believe in ourselves, not the other way around.
Confidence is something that grows when we decide to take those steps, even when we don´t feel quite ready, entirely confident or certain that it will lead to success. Those first steps are always going to feel vulnerable, messy and perhaps even a little silly. But taking them anyway, consistently, over a period of time grows our trust in ourselves.
On the other end of the spectrum, we are often encouraged to ignore or suppress our fears and move ahead regardless of how we feel.
The other approach to courage is the one I tried to take: to pretend our fears don´t exist and take action as if we already feel the confidence we long for. This approach may be effective for a little while, but it is also quite harsh. It reinforces the message that fear is an unwanted emotion, something that needs to be controlled at all cost, rather than a sign from our body that we long for safety.
We tend to compare ourselves to others who already are where we want to be, and follow in the footsteps of their journey. But we all have our own journey with our own set of fears and doubts, hopes and dreams. What feels completely natural to one person is deeply overwhelming to someone else.
We may be able to gather all our courage and take a big leap of faith. That is the kind of courage we need when we decide to jump out of an airplane, or to quit our jobs for an unknown future. But to carve out a new path and stay on the path through all the challenges that may come, we need sustainable courage. And that courage is often grown in small increments, by taking tiny steps that may increase in bravery as we do.
Instead of choosing one of these black or white options, we can choose a gentler approach.
Soft courage means you take small consistent steps while giving yourself the space to integrate your fears.
It is a gentle commitment to your dreams, honoring your natural rhythm and pace. You notice your fear, apply tools for safety, and move forward from a place of inspiration rather than rigid force.
Taking a gentle approach to courage means you don’t have to pretend to be more confident, experienced, or fearless than you are. You work with where you are now, building self-trust step by step.
Courage isn’t about grand gestures; it’s a deep, personal resilience that grows naturally over time as you expand your capacity to face what feels scary. You cultivate it through small, consistent actions and by learning to trust yourself more with each step.
It is the quiet determination of someone committed to what they know is right, even if the path is scenic and slow. Along the way, you give yourself space to notice your fears, before and after taking action, and time to integrate those feelings. You also learn calming practices that help your body feel safe, gradually strengthening your resilience.
With this approach, you develop a deep sense of trust: in yourself, your journey, and life as a whole. You don’t rush to be somewhere you aren’t yet; instead, you allow yourself to be fully present where you are now.
If you would like to implement soft courage into your life and could use some guidance, I invite you to plan an introduction call with me.
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