Why you procrastinate on things you really want to do
Procrastination is often seen laziness, something that needs to be overcome with discipline.
I believe we all recognize the feeling where you really want to do something, but you can´t get yourself to actually do it. There is this project you really care about, maybe you want to start your own business or apply for new opportunities. You may not always see the full path ahead, but you know there are certain steps you can take that will take you closer to where you want to be. And yet, it is such a challenge to sit down and take those steps.
This step you want to take is constantly on your mind. You really WANT to create that change for yourself. But every time you sit down to do it, you find yourself doing other things. You spend hours scrolling mindlessly on social media. Suddenly you notice all the chores around the house you still need to do. Or you find yourself coming up with reasons why now is not the right time, maybe you should wait till you feel more ready.
Since procrastination is such a deeply human experience, there is a great amount of resources that focus on overcoming this problem. Generally, these articles focus on being more productive, efficient and removing distractions. While I definitely believe there is a place for these productivity hacks as helpful tools in setting up a routine, they fail to address the deeper issues. Procrastination is often not some character flaw to overcome, but rather a way to avoid feeling the deeply uncomfortable feelings that the task or project brings up.
Because procrastination is not laziness. Often, it is a protection mechanism from feeling intense emotions like fear, anger, frustration and disappointment.
We tend to look at procrastination and see it as a sign of laziness, or a lack of motivation. The answer is then to remove distractions as much as possible, to create a routine and stick to it consistently.
But what I notice with lots of clients that struggle with procrastination is that they are not lazy, and they have plenty of motivation. They feel a deep longing for the change they are looking to create for themselves. Often, they are very disciplined in other areas of their lives. They know that they are smart and capable, and able to show up for what matters to them. They are committed to the things that matter to them, and deeply care about doing their best.
It´s just that with this particular task or project, they feel a strong resistance every time they sit down for it. The resistance is often not just mental, but physical as well. They may feel a heaviness in their limbs or a pit in their stomach whenever the subject comes up. The task can bring up feelings of panic and frustration.
Sometimes, procrastination comes up when you don´t have clarity on your goals. When you are not sure on where to put your time and effort, procrastination often kicks in. It is hard to get yourself into action mode when you are not sure what direction to move in, or if you aren´t clear on what truly matters to you.
While putting off tasks may seem like you are not taking it seriously, I have noticed that the opposite is often true: perhaps you put so much pressure on yourself in that specific area that it becomes overwhelming.
When your sense of self-worth is tied into how well you perform, or on the outcome of your efforts, it can be paralyzing. Your nervous system goes into a freeze response, and out of self-protection it chooses to avoid the task.
Behind procrastination is often a fear of failure and making mistakes. There might be some unprocessed disappointment from the previous times you have tried and failed. When your disappointment is not acknowledged, you can become discouraged over time. Underneath it all is often the most human feelings of all: the fear of not being good enough, of not being worthy of what you deeply want for yourself.
If you grew up experiencing a lot of criticism in your environment, it can become your default to give everything only a little bit of effort. Perhaps you even started seeing it as part of your personality, when really it is a coping strategy. It hurts so much when you try really hard, and your efforts are still not seen as good enough. So much so that your protection mechanism can be to not try at all, or only give it half of your efforts, so you can point to that as your cause of failing. Criticism on your lack of effort is often a lot less painful than criticism on something you put your heart and soul into.
When these feelings are not acknowledged and integrated, your mind and body will subconsciously protect you by inventing distractions to ignore the uncomfortable thing you have to do.
Every time you show up for what you want to do, these feelings get triggered, leading to you withdrawing from it. Over time, procrastination often becomes a source of shame and guilt. These feelings make it even more challenging to show up, as they add a new layer of heaviness to the task.
The common reaction to procrastination is to either push through and ignore the feelings, or to give up altogether. It can be tempting to force yourself to move forward regardless and bypass the feelings. But the more intense your feelings become, the harder it will be to show up. Rather than pushing through, exploring and integrating these uncomfortable emotions will help you move forward.
When you feel like you have to push and force yourself to show up for your project, it takes away all the joy and excitement that come with creating positive change for yourself. Rather than feeling motivating and uplifting, your goal will feel like a burden.
While force can be a powerful motivator for a short period of time, it is exhausting for your mind and body. It is easy to feel overwhelmed when you continuously push yourself to do something that feels so uncomfortable, while feeling none of the fulfilment that normally comes with moving towards your goals.
When you have the courage to explore your procrastination and the feelings behind it, you can process these feelings in a healthy way. Your project or goal will then feel like a clean slate: there are no longer these intense feelings attached to it. When you no longer feel the need to protect yourself by avoiding these feelings, you can move forward with a lot more ease.
Rather than feeling ashamed for your procrastination, you lovingly explore the part of you that feels overwhelmed. You have an honest look into the narrative you have created for yourself around that task or project, and learn to calm your nervous system when you feel triggered.
As you gently release the emotions behind that task, you grow your capacity for the discomfort that comes with it. One step at a time, it won´t feel so overwhelming anymore.
As the narrative around these tasks changes, you learn to trust yourself more. This gives you the freedom to move forward, one step at a time, towards what you truly want to create for yourself.
Do you find yourself avoiding or putting off tasks that are important or meaningful to you? If you would like to explore what is behind your procrastination and move forward with ease, you can schedule a free introduction call to learn what my guidance looks like.